Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Living Backward.....

I have often been accused of being over-analytical. Pshaw, i say. heh. Actually, I think i am too damn complex. I sometime dig so deep to gain understanding, that I get lost in my search.

However, I am coming to a place where I have started asking myself: does my analyzing provide any useful insights, or is it my attempt to control the "Uncontrollable?" Am I taking useful personal inventory, and going through rigorous reevaluation to actually acheive a goal of betterment, or am I engaging in these activities to merely avoid work that needs to be done by keeping my mind occupied?

I have learned that Knowledge is power, and I have striven to increase my base of knowledge in order to gain Wisdom and "power" in my life. But what I am also learning is that sometimes my thirst for Knowledge can be my attempt to exercise power where I am powerless.

"Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards."
~Soren Kierkegaard

Writer's Block.....

Some days, I just haven't a clue. There are no magic words, no prattling prose, no passionate reverie.

I look out my window. The sun crests the brown horizon, it's shafts broken by the novemberene mosaic of branches, yet no words flood the echoing cesspool of my brain - no words play hopscotch off the tip of my tongue. I am devoid of ability to comment on the celestial rolling of the gears.

Ah, coffee, sweet coffee! Your aromatic tendrils curl around me, caressing my olfactories, stirring memories of other sunrises enjoyed from adirondackian vantage. I yield to your robusto. I capitulate to your grandiose tyranny. The passenger door of my soul is flung wide to your meretricious gaudiness, and for a short time, I accept your play-act as "one and only," tempting me to bide longer when I leave my emptied cup as payment on the nightstand.

Ah, glorious coffee! Mental radiance in a ceramic cup! Arbiter of lucidity! Caffeine in excelsis!

My mind is an open conduit, a fertile playground to your ground-beanial suggestion....